Power and gender in relationships

Nathan

You just look in society.

Predominantly, CEOs are male.

Look at parliament, parliamentarians are male predominantly.

Aroha

Having money gives you a status and only if you have money you can become part of that status.

Also, I think, education is another thing.

Being educated makes you higher than somebody else, I guess, which is 50 times, probably not the case (laughs), because you can have some people not go to school and still be more successful, yeah.

Georges

Finding a balance or finding ways to educate, especially the young kids or the young men, on what it means being masculine.

In today's society, what does that mean?

It doesn't mean be more feminine.

It doesn't mean don't be assertive.

Shailja

I think you're right in that, there's some great masculine traits: being confident and that sort of thing, being strong, being a provider.

You know, those sort of things are fantastic, and things that we should support as a society, but you're right.

And when it gets to that sort of very extreme stage, when that confidence becomes arrogance, when that confidence becomes the belief that you are better, that's when it becomes toxic.

You know, it no longer becomes something that helps people, but instead harms the people around you because it creates a really odd power imbalance.

Georges

Who's more masculine?

That's when it gets to the dangerous levels, and we start to judge each other.

OK, well he's doing that, he's not a man.

And then, if you see that happen, what does that mean?

I have to not do that because I have to live up to that standard of being manly.

Angelica

Being able to freely be able to say no, or say yes, or agree, or disagree to certain things is even more challenging as a young woman.

We must be able to support one another, because we can't go on like this any further.

We're seeing that the, you know, the different impacts that all these different events have happened on our world are disproportionately affecting girls and young women.

The way that we're able to engage with our education and our futures, our mental health challenges over our lifetime.

The way our outlook on the future, increased risk and proximity to potential domestic and sexual violence.

Nathan

I'd say boys.

Aroha

You think boys?

Nathan

Well, from my experience at school, boys were always the ones that had the power and the dominance, really, in school.

My high school, for instance, that I went to when I was growing up, it was very sports dominant, mainly rugby league.

So it was kind of like, the boys played rugby league and they were the alphas, the jocks, and everyone kind of followed them.

Abdallah

Sometimes the physical power, where usually the bigger kids are the ones who would, as you said, rule the school, because they are physically stronger. 

They are bigger and, at the same time, people who socially have more power. 

The cool kids, or the people who have, who are richer than the other kids, have more money or they have a newer phone.

So I would say these are the things that kids would think, 'Ah, these people rule the school.'

I would say people shouldn't think of it that way, because everyone is equal.

Cosmin

How are we respecting people, you know, from ESL backgrounds or stuff like that?

And I think that is a power imbalance that we also need to look at.

Angelica

Navigating life as a young African black woman is tough, because you are not only faced with a lot of different shapes and types of things that impact your gender, but also culturally too.

And then age, and then, you know, other experiences as well.

And, on all those different levels, and different lines of who you are and how you identify, systems and structures around you and environments seem less and less supportive sometimes.

Domina

Not seeing yourself there, and almost internalising that thinking, 'Maybe I won't get there, maybe I can't get there.'

We should be proud as young women to be like, 'You need to hear me. You need to value me.'

'Here is my voice, here is my feedback. I'm telling you these spaces aren't inclusive, or they're not safe, or this is what I need to do my work well.'

'This is what I need. This is what my support looks like.'

Shailja

I think a really important one, or something that I've noticed a lot, was in the classroom, I would say something, and then a guy would say it louder and they would get credit, versus the fact that I just said it first.

Also happens with jokes all the time. I'd make a joke, nothing.

Some dude says it. Laughter. You know, they're the comedy king. Hate it.

And then the other thing was like, so that sort of thing that your voices are not getting heard necessarily, and that's a power imbalance.

Georges

So you would say the power imbalance would exist in terms of gender?

Shailja

Sometimes. Yeah, and you know it's not something that you'd tend to notice, a lot, but if you keep noticing that, 'Hey, wait a second, I keep getting spoken over', you know, or 'I keep having to say my stuff two or three times before people start listening', then maybe there's something there.

Aroha

I think growing up a lot in communities, and always moving around, I've always felt like girls have this underlying power where they have it, but they make out that the boys have it the most.

But really it's them behind the scenes playing.

But then again, it's just always depends on what environment it is as well, because there's some places where you don't see that difference, and it's more of a, I guess, equal kind of environment to be in.

But most city schools that I've had experiences in, yeah, for me, personally, it's the girls.

But I understand where you come from (laughs).