Keeping your family safe

Tech-based domestic and family violence can impact your whole family, including children and young people. 

Tech-based abuse is where abuse happens online or using digital technologies like phones and apps. It can happen as part of domestic and family violence and the abuse can be from a partner, ex-partner, family member, someone you share a home with, or someone you’re dating.

It can be difficult to protect children and young people while you’re dealing with domestic and family violence. Every situation is different and this will affect what you can do, but there are some steps that will help you – and those you’re caring for – to stay safe while using tech. These include talking about the situation in an age-appropriate way and setting some rules for digital devices and accounts.

On this page:

• How does tech-based abuse affect children?
• How to talk about tech-based abuse with children
• Online safety tips for your child
• Schools, clubs, activities and events
• More information

A child can experience tech-based abuse directly as part of domestic and family violence. This includes:

• monitoring or stalking
• harassment, threats or intimidation
• blocking communication.

A child can also be indirectly affected by the abuse you’re experiencing through their technology and can be negatively impacted by seeing you experience tech-based abuse.

eSafety research shows that the abuse generally involves everyday technology, like mobile phones, and that most of the abuse happens on Facebook or involves texting.

The research also shows the abuse can cause a range of harm and distress. Children most commonly experienced negative impacts on their mental health, relationship with their other parent or carer and everyday activities. 

If you need to protect your location when your child is with you, such as when you’re seeking help, it may be best to disable their location services and turn their devices off completely or reset them, so your abuser can’t see where you are. You can also consider leaving your child’s device at home while you are out, or at another location.

Regularly check your child’s devices to make sure they’re safe, including their phones, tablets, computers, fitness trackers, smart watches, headphones, earbuds and toys that use location services or GPS. If your child spends time with the abuser, small tracking devices could also be hidden in things such as their bags, clothes or toys. Be especially careful of anything new the abuser has given your child and insists they take with them when they return to your care.

It may also be helpful to take these safety steps with your child, especially if they are a young person who uses social media accounts:

• Help them restrict who can see their location. Adjust the settings on social media, gaming accounts, messaging services and other apps to show a rough location rather than a specific address. You could also suggest they disable location services while not using the app, or turn them off completely. Find out how to adjust location settings on different apps and accounts in The eSafety Guide.
• Ask them to avoid checking in online or tagging locations and people. This includes restaurants, suburbs and places as well as any friends and family you visit together, which could show the abuser where you are and what you’re doing.
• Ask them to avoid sharing photos, videos or backgrounds that could identify your location on social media, gaming or video calls. Explain how the backgrounds can include street signs, landmarks, school or club uniforms, or details in your home which may make your location easy to work out.

Find out more about how to protect your location information.

Review online accounts and settings

Talk with your child and set rules together about which online apps and services they can use and what’s safe to share online. It’s best for them to be cautious and avoid sharing information publicly if you think it may not be safe.

These are some things you can do (but you may need to modify them if your child needs to keep in contact with the abuser):

• Set the settings on all social media, gaming accounts and other apps to the highest security level. Make sure your child’s accounts are private and they don’t use their full name or a profile picture that identifies them, because this might be seen publicly online. For more information on privacy settings in games, apps and social media, check The eSafety Guide.
• Talk about safer ways to communicate with you and their friends. This might include only using specific direct messaging apps that you agree on.
• Review your child’s friend and follower lists together. Remove anyone your child does not know, who can’t be trusted, or who might share information with the abuser accidentally.
• Talk about when to accept new friend or follower requests. You might decide to limit their friends or followers on social media and gaming sites to people you know and trust. Discuss fake accounts and explain how the abuser may pretend to be someone else. Read eSafety’s Young people pages together for more tips.
• Talk with them about restricting what the abuser can see online. If the abuser is already friends with the child on social media or a gaming app, it might be unsafe to remove them – but the child may be able to restrict the abuser’s account, so they only see limited content.
• Ask your child to limit what they post about online, or not to post at all until it’s safer. For example, it may not be safe to post details about what they’re doing, the people they’re seeing and where they are (particularly if their address, suburb or school has changed for safety reasons).
• Ask your child to talk with their friends about not sharing content about them or tagging them in photos or videos. It may be useful if you help them to practice what to say to their friends.

For more tips on how you and your child can use social media safely you can read how to review your social media settings.

If it’s appropriate and safe, you could have a private conversation with any person or organisation that may share information about your child online. This includes your child’s school, clubs, community organisations or groups associated with any of your child’s other activities. 

Ask them not to post photos or information about your child online without your permission.

You could also talk to organisers or managers of venues or events involving your child and ask them not to share photos or information about them online. Watch out for when people are taking photos, including group shots that might end up online, and make sure your child is not included if you need to protect your location. 

For more information on updating your devices, social media, apps and online account settings see our online safety checklist, The eSafety Guide and our ‘how to’ videos.

eSafety has more resources to help you understand how you and your children can stay safe online. See our advice for parents and carers and our advice for kids and young people. You can also share our advice on online dating, consent and sexting and sending nudes with older children.