Talking about child sexual abuse online with 0 to 12 year olds
It’s never too early to have online safety conversations with children.
Being aware of what they’re doing online can help you talk with them in ways that are best suited to protecting them from child sexual abuse and other risks.
On this page:
- What to talk about with your child – online experiences, asking for help, body safety, respectful relationships, recognising unsafe situations
- What to expect and how to talk about it from birth
- What to expect and how to talk about it from age 5
- What to expect and how to talk about it from age 8
What to talk about with your child
Some topics are hard to talk about, even with other adults. But discussing online sexual abuse with children in honest, age-appropriate ways helps keep them safe and supports healthy development. It’s usually most effective when it’s part of wider conversations about online safety and sexuality.
The advice in these age ranges is a guide only, to help you match your conversation to your child’s needs. You can read about younger and older ages too (including talking about child sexual abuse online with 13 to 18 year olds). Use what you think will work best for your child – no matter when you start, they will benefit.
You may also need to adapt the conversation for children with disability, who are neurodivergent, or who are exploring their gender and/or sexuality, to suit their diverse needs and experiences.
These conversations may make you aware of a child’s experience of sexual grooming or abuse, or raise concerns about their sexual behaviour. It’s important to make sure they are safe and supported. If you suspect they have been abused (including grooming or sexual extortion), report it to the Australian Centre to Counter Child Exploitation. If you’re worried about your child’s wellbeing, there are services and experts who can help. These include Kids Helpline and Headspace. You can also speak with a counsellor with experience dealing with child sexual abuse at Bravehearts.
Online experiences
Being online has benefits and risks, just like any other childhood activity such as riding a bike or swimming. So as soon as children start using digital devices and technologies, they should know that everyone has the right to be safe online.
Parents and carers (including grandparents and kinship carers) can encourage children to handle unexpected challenges safely. It can be useful to talk about fun questions or scenarios to explore what your child thinks about he internet. This can help you understand how safe they feel and where they might need help. For example, we asked children ‘If the internet were an animal, which animal would it be?’1
‘A giant octopus because there is so many arms, it lives in the darkness, connects to everything and is mysterious and often identified as scary.’ – Male, 13, QLD, metro.
1Find out more in the research report, Mind the gap.
Asking for help
The most important thing for children to know is that they should always ask for help if they feel unsure, uncomfortable or unsafe online. When adults provide children with reassuring support, it can help them recover faster and learn from mistakes. When children know they are safe and won’t get in trouble when asking for help, they are much more likely to speak up if something goes wrong.
Be prepared to get involved and help your child whenever they are using devices or online. Respond to their needs calmly and listen when they tell you about their experiences, both good and bad. This will help them understand that you’re an adult they can come to about anything and who they can trust to keep them safe.
Your child might not always feel comfortable talking with you about an online problem, so it’s a good idea to help them also identify other adults they can talk with and trust to keep them safe. These are people it’s OK to talk with about issues they are curious about or that worry them, or if something goes wrong online.
Talk with your child about people in their community who are trusted sources of information and learning. For example, you may suggest a teacher, a doctor, or another relative. Children should be encouraged to talk about why these people are trustworthy and asked if they can think of others. You can say ‘I know there are some things that might seem hard to talk with me about, and that’s OK. I want you to have someone you can talk to and trust, so let’s think of some trusted adults together.’
The Raising Children Network provides a useful resource to help get you started: Circle of friends and personal boundaries.
Body safety
Body safety means that a child’s body belongs to them, and they have the right to say no to anything that makes them feel uncomfortable or unsafe about their body.
Body safety is not just about touch. It includes photos and videos being taken. No one should ask a child for pictures or videos of them naked or in their underwear. Make sure children know it’s always OK to say no if someone asks them to do something online that doesn’t feel right, like turning on their camera when they don’t want to. This also includes being pressured to talk about private parts of their body. It may also be helpful to explain that online spaces are often public, even if we access them in the privacy of home, so we shouldn’t share things online that we wouldn’t share in a public place like a park or at school.
Respectful relationships
Online habits formed at an early age can influence the way children behave and mix online as they grow older. It’s helpful to talk about respectful relationships (including friendships) by starting with what makes us feel good, happy and loved when we’re with others. This can prepare you for talking with your child about what to do if things go wrong, including when relationships become uncomfortable or unsafe.
Recognising unsafe situations
You don’t want your child to be scared to participate online, so it’s important to talk with them about risks like sexual abuse in language they understand and that supports them to feel safe. For example, you might start a conversation with a younger child by saying ‘Almost everyone uses the internet, so we need to be careful about what we do and who we talk to online, just like when we go to the park. Some people don’t want what’s best for us and might try to hurt us. They might ask questions that you don’t like, or that make you feel uncomfortable. Or they might ask you for rude photos or videos or send some to you.’
There are other behaviours you can teach your child to be wary of online. These include when someone:
- asks for personal information or favours
- offers unexpected gifts or favours
- wants to keep their relationship with the child a secret
- asks the child about where they use their device, or who else uses it
- talks about sexual things or asks about sexual experiences
- keeps asking them to meet face-to-face.
Find out more about grooming and unsafe contact.
You can also encourage your child to pay attention to their body’s warning signs that a situation might not be safe. Some children may not feel these, but when they do happen it’s usually a clue that it’s time to ask for help.
These signs can be the same online as offline, and include:
- feeling ‘funny’ in their stomach
- their heart beating faster
- feeling hot or sweaty
- feeling tense or shaky
- feeling like they will throw up.
Older pre-teen children, such as those in upper primary school, are likely to be more active online and may have some early understanding of sex, including how people are sexual on the internet. They might have heard about (or seen) online pornography. They may even have sent or received nude images or videos. It’s important that adults who they trust continue to have conversations about online safety with them, without getting angry about any mistakes they may have made. This can help teenagers continue to feel safe to seek help and reduce the risk of harm.
As well as answering questions about sex and relationships, at this age you can be more open about child sexual abuse online.
You might start the conversation by explaining that adults have a responsibility to keep children safe. You can say ‘If an adult tries to get you to do or talk about sexual things online, that is child sexual abuse. It’s never OK for anyone to do this, and it’s against the law. If something does happen, remember you’ll never be in trouble for asking for help.’
You can also use the One Talk at a Time resources from the National Office for Child Safety or advice from Raising Children Network for more support in talking with this age group about child sexual abuse that occurs offline as well as online.
What to expect and how to talk about it from birth
Digital development: Children start developing awareness of screens and what they do from the moment they first see other people using them. They might enjoy playing games and watching videos online and take an interest in the things they see their parents and carers doing online. Most children under 5 use the internet (eSafety, Digital Parenting, 2024). While most use devices with their parents and carers, many have their own profiles on at least one app or website that they know well.
Sexual development: Children in this age group are naturally curious. Most will explore and ask questions about their own bodies, and be curious about other people’s bodies.
Online supervision: Young children are likely to see many online activities as fun without understanding the risks. It can be useful to set firm limits about use of devices. For example, apps and websites should be explored together. Make sure online interactions are only with people known to you and your child and that you trust them to keep your child safe. You can support your child to play safely online by talking about basics like how they feel, who they connect with and how to ask for help.
Click on the + to see examples of what to say.
Explore how we can have safe and enjoyable experiences online.
Ask questions like ‘What’s your favourite thing about going online together?’ or ‘How do you feel when we play the bubble game together?’ These questions help children think about what being safe feels like.
Talk about what makes us feel safe and unsafe online.
Identifying and talking about feelings, especially when something does not ‘feel right,’ is a key part of recognising when to ask for help.
Ask your child ‘How do you know when you might not be feeling safe?’ If they struggle to answer, offer some prompts. ‘You might get a funny feeling in your tummy, or your heart might beat faster. Have you ever felt like that?’
Find everyday opportunities to talk about privacy and safety.
Get your child involved in decisions. Use examples that reflect their online experiences, such as ‘Do you think you should chat to Grandma in the lounge or your bedroom? When we’re in the lounge room, I can help.’
You can help children understand that people online might not be who they say they are by asking questions like ‘Can we be sure it’s Grandma if we can’t see her?’
Share how other people can keep children safe around technology.
Children of this age experience technology in ways that are directed by adults and older children.
You can say ‘It’s important that you have a say in how others use technology with you. It’s OK to say no if you don’t want to be part of a video call or photo.’ Then you can help them decide how to connect with trusted family or friends online in ways that help them feel safe.
Explain safe and unsafe behaviour in words that your child can understand.
You can help them understand that there are things nobody should show kids online.
You can say ‘No one should show kids any pictures or videos of themselves without clothes on, or ask for pictures of them. If that happens, even if you were curious or it was an accident, you can talk with me about it. I’ll help, and you won’t be in trouble.’
Let them know you’re a safe adult.
Tell them it’s never a child’s fault if something does go wrong online, or a child sees something we would prefer they didn’t. Let them know you’ll help them stay safe and solve the problem.
You can say ‘Everyone makes mistakes online. If something goes wrong, we’ll fix it together. I’ll always be here to help you, and you won’t be in trouble.’
What to expect and how to talk about it from age 5
Digital development: From this age children use digital technology for learning at school and at home, as well as entertainment. They may be interested in connecting with others online, especially if they see their parents or carers doing things like joining video calls with family, friends or colleagues. Some children may start to use photos and videos to document their lives. They are likely to want to make more decisions for themselves about what they do online.
Sexual development: Most children are becoming curious about sex and relationships. They may have an increased desire for body privacy. Most will also start to understand how consent applies online, and the importance of respecting the right of others to say ‘no.’
Online supervision: It’s a good time to start talking about safe and unsafe behaviours, as well as trusted sources of information and safe online spaces (for example, ABC Kids). You can help them feel they have a say in what they can see and do online. Listen to their thoughts on family rules, such as how much screen time is allowed. You can also use parental controls to help prevent children seeing content that may be confusing or upsetting.
Click on the + to see examples of what to say.
Make sure children know they have the right to safely participate online.
Let your child know that you want them to feel safe to do the things they enjoy online, like playing games and learning.
You can say ‘It’s important to me that you feel safe when you’re playing online’ and ask ‘What things do you feel most confident doing by yourself online?’ ‘What things do you still need help with?’ and ‘What things online feel safe?’
Explain how they can have a say in the things they experience online.
You can ask things like ‘What do you want to explore today? Do you want to find out about volcanos on YouTube with Mum, or would you prefer to watch a show on your own?’
Help them to reflect on their feelings and how other people may feel.
This can include recognising contentment (that feels good) and discomfort (I don’t feel right). We can help children recognise emotions, and reactions to online situations, by wondering aloud how others are feeling.
You can say things like ‘You didn’t look comfortable in that photo. It’s OK to say no to a photo.’
Remind them about parts of the body that are private.
This includes the vagina, penis and other parts of the body that may be sexualised, such as buttocks and breasts. You can say, ‘No one should ask to see your private body parts in pictures or online, not even friends, siblings or adults.’
Identify safe and unsafe behaviours, rather than unsafe people.
People can hide their identity online and it can be hard to know who to trust. We can help children identify signs of sexual grooming by telling them it is never OK for someone online to ask them to go to a private chat, share pictures of people without clothes on or for adults to ask to be their friend in a game or chat.
You can say ‘If an adult asks you to do something that makes you feel uncomfortable, asks you personal questions or even just talks to you in a way that doesn’t feel right, you don’t have to reply. You can tell me about it, and we’ll work out what’s safe together.’
Discuss what makes unsafe secrets.
No one should ever ask a child to keep a secret, unless they are a trusted person and it is only for a short time, such as a surprise party. No one should ever ask a child to keep their relationship with them a secret. If they do, the child should tell a trusted adult immediately.
Remind your child that ‘Safe people will never ask you to keep your friendship with them a secret. They also won’t ask for secret pictures, or to go to hidden places. Good secrets are only for a short time and should make someone happy, like a surprise party.’
Help them understand what questions or requests are unsafe.
Adults should never ask children sexual questions, such as whether they have been kissed, or about private parts of their body. They should also never ask for nude or sexualised photos, videos or live streams of a child.
You can say, ‘There are certain things adults might like to do together, like kissing or sharing private photos. Adults should never ask children about these things, and if they do, you should tell me straight away.’
Support them to know how to say no if they don’t feel comfortable.
Children should always be encouraged to say ‘no’ in situations that make them feel unsafe or uncomfortable. You can say, ‘Your body belongs to you, online and offline.
If someone online asks you to do something or talks to you in a way that makes you uncomfortable, you don’t have to do what they say or keep talking to them. Come and tell me, and we’ll sort it out together.’
What to expect and how to talk about it from age 8
Digital development: Children this age are increasingly likely to have access to a device such as a mobile phone or tablet. They may be taking an interest in a wider range of online activities and influences that introduce new risks. These include multiplayer gaming, joining chat forums, and sharing photos and videos. While most social media sites are restricted to children 13 and over, it’s important to be aware that children may still see social content or share their own.
Sexual development: At this age, many children will understand they are approaching puberty. Some will begin to experience physical and emotional changes, particularly around the age of 11 – 12. It’s natural for children to be curious about these changes.
Online supervision: It’s time to start talking about how to deal with some specific harmful behaviours. This can start with discussing personal boundaries online and updating family rules about device use, including when and how information, images or videos are shared. Most children will understand the importance of privacy online and using settings to protect themselves. Talk openly about the things adults are not allowed to do with children, such as ask for nude or sexual images or videos and discuss where to get help if needed. You can also watch online content or play video games with your child and talk about how sex and relationships are shown in them.
Click on the + to see examples of what to say.
Teach caution around contact with strangers, but don’t let the conversation stop there.
By age 10, 43% of children have been in contact with someone they first met online. Often this is a friend of a friend or family member, but many parents are unaware this contact has been made. You can ask your child, ‘How do you know who to trust online?’ You can continue the conversation with ‘Let’s make a list of the qualities of a safe adult or child. Who do you know who is like this? Can we make a list of the five special people you can go to if you have an issue?’
Learn more about building a safety team from the National Office for Child Safety.
Encourage respect and safety in relationships, both online and offline.
Use examples from the media and everyday situations to talk about different ways of relating to people. You can say, ‘If anyone online asks you to do something that makes you uncomfortable, let’s talk about it. It doesn’t matter if they are your age or an adult – if they send weird, scary or sexual things, or if they ask or dare you to do something sexual online, it’s not right and I can help.’
Explain the idea of consent in digital spaces.
This includes sharing images and messages. You can start with ‘Have any of your friends ever had an image shared without their permission? How did they feel? What were they worried about?’
Our advice for young people can help you talk about consent for sharing photos and videos.
Consider behaviours or situations that are OK and not OK.
You can be upfront about your concerns about talking with strangers. Help your children understand that an adult might pretend to be someone else to make friends with them, but then abuse them.
You might say ‘Sometimes adults or older kids might use different ways to get kids to do things they don’t feel comfortable with. They might ask personal questions or use trends or challenges to pressure you into doing things that are harmful, dangerous or to do with sex.’
Talk about how to act safely and respectfully towards others, including younger children.
You might say, ‘It’s important to be careful with what we talk about, and how we act towards others. People can get hurt or upset if they hear about something they’re not ready for like scary stories, pictures of violence or things to do with sex.’
Plan what to do if someone asks for a naked picture.
You can explain to your child that they shouldn’t ask other people for pictures where they don’t have clothes on, and no one should ask them.
You can ask them ‘Has anyone you know talked about sharing naked pictures online? What do you think kids would do if someone sent them a naked picture?’ You can tell them it’s always OK to say no.
Plan what to do if someone their age shares sexual content.
Acknowledge that sometimes kids might get curious about sex or share things to shock others. You can let them know that kids’ brains are still developing so it’s better not to view that type of content.
Let them know that ‘If someone sends you pornography or a naked picture of themselves you can talk with me about it.’ Our tips about ‘The hard to have conversations’ can help you talk about this topic with kids.
More information
As children grow older and enter their teenage years, they may become more independent in their online activities. This may include more social activities such as social media and multiplayer online gaming. As well as ongoing conversations about online safety, age-appropriate supervision can be a strong protective factor.
It is important to consider what activities are right for your child, and to stay aware of the risks. These include accessing platforms not meant for children, such as online dating apps and pornography, and predatory behaviours such as ‘sextortion’ and grooming.
Read our advice on talking about child sexual abuse online with 13-18 year olds.
Translated factsheets
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Last updated: 19/11/2024
