Child grooming

‘Child grooming’ is the term used when abusers build up trust with children (including teenagers) so they can harm them sexually. When this happens online, they usually want to persuade the child into sexual conversations or activities, such as sending sexual images or videos, or getting sexual in a live chat or video call. They may also arrange to meet the child and harm them physically.

Just like with offline abuse, people who groom children online are usually adults. They may be a stranger, but they can also be a relative, family friend, carer or someone who teaches or supports your child at school, sport or with other activities. They can also be an older child (sometimes older children are pressured by abusers to get sexual images or videos of others). Or they can be an overseas criminal.

Anyone who grooms a child for sexual abuse can be reported and charged by the police – find out what to do if you think your child is being groomed online.

It’s common for a child is this situation to feel ashamed or embarrassed and be reluctant to tell anyone about it. So children re safer when they know what grooming is, the signs that a person online may be unsafe, what to do if they don’t want someone to contact them, and how to get help if they feel unsafe or have been abused.

These are some of the tactics used by abusers to groom children:

• They go onto platforms, games and apps that are popular with children so they can make friends with them.
• They may use an avatar or fake profile to pretend to be someone the child is likely to be interested in or feel they can trust, such as another gamer. This makes it easier to trick them into chatting and sharing. 
• They find out personal information about the child, from looking at what they have posted online or by asking them questions, to help develop a feeling of connection. As the friendship or ‘relationship’ grows, the child becomes comfortable sharing more about themselves. 
• They encourage the child to connect in private chats, direct messages and video calls, which makes it difficult to monitor and report abuse.
• They encourage the child to keep their connection a secret, and may try to emotionally and physically separate the child from their family and friends.
• They use the ‘always on’ nature of technology to keep in continuous contact with the child. This can increase the intensity of the relationship and make the contact hard to escape.
• They may use digital technology to track and harass children. This is sometimes called ‘cyberstalking.’ Cyberstalking is often accompanied by offline stalking and it can lead to physical danger.

55% of young people have communicated with someone they met online.

Online spaces can make it easier to access children without the knowledge and supervision of parents and carers. So it’s important that you know the signs that an online 'friend’ may be trying to develop an inappropriate relationship. 

Encourage your child to talk to you if they notice these behaviours – then you can support them to report unsafe contact to the platform or service and get them more support.

Warning signs include if someone: 

• asks them a lot of questions about personal information soon after meeting
• starts asking them for favours and does things in return – abusers often use promises, gifts and favours to gain trust
• wants to keep the relationship secret – online groomers typically try to keep their relationships extremely private from the beginning, asking for it to be something ‘special’ just between the two people
• contacts them frequently and in different ways, like texting, on social media apps and through online chat services
• asks them things like who else uses their device or computer, or which room they use it in
• compliments them on their appearance or body or asks things like, ‘have you ever been kissed’?
• insists on meeting – tries to make them feel guilty or even threatens them if they are unwilling.

Not every experience of grooming is the same. For example, not all groomers will attempt to meet in person if their aim is to get sexual images or videos of children.

Any sexual activity between a child and an adult, including grooming, is child sexual abuse – even if it happens online. 

The abuser may share a sexually explicit image or video and ask for nude shots of the child. This can then be used to pressure the child to send more material, or to meet in person. See more information about sending nudes and sexting for parents and carers.

Find out more about how child sexual abuse happens online. You can watch a series of short animations to learn the basics. eSafety also provides advice for talking with children at different stages of development about online child sexual abuse in ways they will understand. Find out how to start the conversation with children aged 0 to 12 and young people aged 13 to 18.
 

Your child may not tell you if an online friendship or ‘relationship’ has become difficult or unsafe because they are embarrassed or ashamed, or afraid it might make things worse. This is what online groomers rely on. Your child may have welcomed contact from an abuser until it made them feel uncomfortable, so they could feel like they’re to blame. 

Look out for worrying changes in your child's behaviour or mood. Watch for signs of withdrawal, anxiety, sadness or changed interactions with family or friends.

If you find out you child has been groomed or abused, reassure them that it’s not their fault, they’re not in trouble and that you will help them get support and recover.

• Stay calm. Listen and believe them.
• If the child is in Australia and is in immediate danger, call Triple Zero (000) or your local police on 131 444.
• Any type of suspected child sexual abuse or exploitation, including grooming, should be reported to the Australian Centre to Counter Child Exploitation (ACCCE). The child can make a report themselves, or an adult can help them. Or you can make an anonymous report to Crime Stoppers at crimestoppers.com.au or 1800 333 000.
• Anyone can report online child sexual exploitation and abuse material to eSafety at any time, so we can have it removed. Your report can be anonymous.
• Anyone whose nude or sexual image or video has been shared online without their consent can report it to eSafety, so we can have it removed. 
• The TakeItDown tool can provide a secure, anonymous way to prevent sexual images or videos being uploaded and shared on a range of online platforms and services. 
• There are many counselling and support services that help children who have experienced sexual abuse, including grooming, and their families. These are listed on the ACCCE website.

Support for you

You may need support for yourself, because finding out that your child has been groomed or abused can be very difficult.

You may feel distress, fear, anger and isolation.

It can be helpful to talk with someone you trust, especially if the abuser is someone you know. This is very important if they may act dangerously towards you.

The person you reach out to for help may be a close friend, a family member, a health worker or an expert working in counselling and support services.

Try to maintain positive thoughts. Remind yourself that you are doing your best to protect your child.